Haze

I've been a haze these last 2 weeks since the baby's birth but here is what I can piece together since then:

Tue: Recovery in hospital. Euphoria being with baby. Managed to get one of the last private rooms - apparently all the rooms were full - busy time for babies. The room is small but that also means the in laws can't stay and visit too long. But they are also awesome for dropping off food for C and I. I eat a turkey sandwich with joy. Excitement dissipates as I realize that I will never be able to crash and recover all the sleep I just lost Monday night.

Wed: Realize that I'm not getting as much rest in the hospital as I think b/c the nurses come check on us a lot. Also, looks like they are doing more tests on the baby because she is preemie.

Thu: Discharged from hospital. Parents drove up from LA and arrive that afternoon. For some reason, a ton of relatives all show up which aggravate C and I who just want to rest. So we hide in our rooms. Don't quite remember the first night home.

Fri: Baby has a bilirubin test that morning and then a pediatric visit at noon. Attempt nursing in public in the car while C goes inside CVS. Embarrassed old man who parks next to us and saw what I was doing. When we arrive at the pediatrician, they don't even have us go inside and tell us that we have to take baby to the nicu immediately for her severe jaundice. We head over immediately. Looks like she has also lost a lot of weight to fall below 6 lbs as well. They put her under the lights and start feeding her formula. I go rent a hospital grade pump and we decide to stay overnight in the hospital so I can breast feed her whenever she wakes up.

Sat: Baby still in nicu. Chastised by the afternoon nurse for us being in the nicu so much which results in her not getting as much light for her treatment as she needs since our breastfeeding takes much longer than the bottle. So we depart for the day. Demoralized by how little milk comes out when I pump. Read all the breastfeeding books and web sites possible. Start drinking Mother's milk tea constantly. My mom is suspicious of this tea and at one point pulls the tea bag and asks if it is made in China since stuff in China can be toxic. Um, what about just normal teas that come from china?

Sun: Baby still in nicu. Have a crazy regimen of pumping every 3 hours at night but am determined to try and get as much breast milk as possible. Realize my parents are crazy. They don't want me to go outside or touch anything cold (like water from the faucet!) or even wet laundry. Have fight with mom about drinking cool water from fridge. After that though, I started drinking warm water (mix of hot water and cold water because I'm coming down with a cold) so maybe they won that battle since I'm still drinking warm water as of now. Nicu doctor calls saying that they want to keep baby a few more nights because looks like she sometimes forgets to breathe when sucking down a bottle (it happened to C when bottle feeding her on saturday and it set off all the alarms - and also gave him a heart attack). They encourage us to go back and breast feed her as much as possible now instead of having the bottle so much.

Mon: Her bilirubin is now in an acceptable range. Am still stressed out about whether I have enough milk to produce for her since they tell me how much she consumes at each feeding from the bottle which is way more than I ever pumped in one sitting. Luckily there is a lactation consultant there that day and we weighed the baby before and after a feeding and saw that she got 50 ml from me which she said was plenty. (Despite the nicu nurses all telling me that she had been consuming 75 ml a time). Lactation consultant told me my milk supply was fine which was a relief. We do the morning feeding and then go car shopping to kill time before the noon feeding. C wants me to test drive and I tell him I would just crash any car at the moment and it was just unsafe to consider. BMW dealer is really trusting and just hands us the key to an X3 and only asks us our first names. Looks like weekdays are great days to car shop.

Tue: Spend the morning at the nicu getting her processed for her discharge! Lots of waiting around but finally get her back home. Surprised to find out that my parents are going to go back to LA since they have been sitting around with nothing to do and no baby around.

Wed: Parents head back to LA. Baby has follow up appointment to check on things. We walk over to the pediatrician since she is only the next street over. My mom finds out because my cousin saw us walking and yells at me on phone for exposing baby to the elements and jiggling of a stroller. Am too tired to argue. Baby is 6 lbs 6 ounces at this appointment.

Thu: C's mom comes to stay with us for 2 nights and makes us food. We mostly keep baby in our room since she just eats and sleeps so C's mom only sees baby once. Everytime the baby cries though, she asks why is baby crying? (implying that we must be doing something wrong). Also she makes a comment that I must not have enough milk if the baby is waking up so frequently to feed. (That I didn't need esp when it is a stress point already).

Fri: Another follow up doctor appt for baby where she is now 6 lbs 9 ounces! Getting closer to her birth weight. Suddenly dawns on me that instead of using google docs to track all the feedings and diapers, that there must be an android app for this and there is. Tracking becomes much easier.

Sat: C's mom takes off in the afternoon. I relax a little more and enjoy the freedom. I go a little crazy shopping on amazon for baby stuff. First bath for baby that night which was probably more traumatic for us than for her due to the amount of crying and screaming that occurs.

Sun: C is getting a little stir crazy at home. Wants to go for a bike ride. He must have seen the look in my eyes and switches to just riding the rollers in the garage.

Mon: C's mom comes back in the afternoon since C goes back to work on tuesday. Am nervous and scared of how things will be when that happens. At dinner, we get lectured by C's mom for not having any social skills and not taking care of our guests properly (guests as in my parents). This is all because my parents carted up crates of bottled water and complained they have to bring their own bottled water because we don't provide it for them. Sigh. It's debatable. I guess I can see that we should provide things for our guests but we don't drink bottled water (we drink the filtered water from the fridge) so it's not something we ever think to purchase.

Tue: 2 week appt for the baby and she is above birth weight at 6 lbs 13 oz! woohoo. And who said I didn't have enough milk? Take that. Even the pediatrician says I must have a good milk supply. C's mom volunteers to change diapers in the afternoon for baby and encourages me to nap so I go do so but wake up to the baby crying during the diaper change. C's mom lectures me because the baby has mild diaper rash (which we know - it started when she was in the nicu and they would have her sit in dirty diapers for 4 hours at a time). She assumed we didn't know and said we needed to change her diaper more frequently. Granted, we only change the diaper whenever she wakes up so probably not as often as she needs but I can't possibly be changing it hourly either. Pediatrician recommends a daily bath to help with her diaper rash by washing her bottom - we try not to tell C's mom this since from birth, C's mom has been wanting us to bathe the baby daily and we told her it wasn't necessary. During bath time tonight, C's mom barges in asking "why is the baby crying??" and tries to watch us wash the baby which was a little nerve wracking. Luckily, she leaves the crowded bathroom after a few minutes. She had told me earlier that all her babies loved baths so there shouldn't be any crying.

So there it is. My 2 weeks. Luckily, C is coherent and not sleep deprived or else this family would be a wreck. Someone had to get the taxes done...